"A girl wants to be swept off her feet..."

I just heard Madonna say that in an interview. I immediately thought to myself, "If a man expects to sweep me off my feet, he better be able to bench 250!"

Oh snap!

I know what I want, I know what I need

I know what I want, I know what I need
But I also know I’m never gonna get it.

I want a man who’s intelligent and well-read, but not obnoxious or condescending about it. Instead, he uses his learned wisdom to help others.

I need someone who’s open-minded to other people’s ideas, a man who realizes we need to respect the ideals of our fellow humans, rather than change them.

My dream man wants to see the world just as badly as I do. He possesses the same restless, nomadic spirit that has driven me throughout my life and we go out into the world, conquering it together.

I want a man who isn’t afraid of my extreme independence, but appreciates why I became this way and works with me rather than against me.

Most of all, I want a man who not only makes me laugh but, more importantly, thinks I’m the funniest person he’s ever met. Not the funniest woman, the funniest person. He waits with baited breath for the next thing to come out of my mouth, knowing that it’s outrageous and hilarious.

I know what I want, I know what I need
But I also know I’m never gonna get it.

He doesn’t exist.

Another wacky day in my life

I nearly gave myself cement shoes when I was about to cross Assembly and felt myself sinking into the wet cement (that had nary a warning sign posted.) I jumped back and shot a horrified look to the lone construction worker standing about 25 feet behind me.

I mouthed "I'm sorry" to which he smiled and mouthed back "it's okay." But what he REALLY meant was "get your fat ass out of my concrete; you're making a giant indentation!" I totally saw it in his eyes!

Novel progress

Florentine Tragedy progress

*edit* July 15, 2013

I found a message I sent to a friend on this same date of November 24, 2012. I said, "My word count is now up to about 13,000. I'm almost to the half-way point and I still have a lot of block paragraphs that aren't fully formed scenes yet. I can't believe it!" Ha, I really thought this was going to be a novella. Here it is, practically a full-grown novel.

Breaking Dawn, part 2…this time it’s serious.

Remember when I first started this blog and I made fun of Breaking Dawn part 1? Then I said, and I quote, “I can’t wait for the new Breaking Dawn film in November. What comedic bits are in store for us there?” and proceeded to support my argument with examples? Well, good ol’ Bill Condon did not disappoint. This film was peppered with unintentionally funny moments, though, sadly, not as many as BD1. For the sake of organization, I’ll divide the moments into three categories: Unintentionally Funny, Intentionally Funny, Emotional Moments, which can range from “awww” to “what in the hell is going on?!” to “YEAH!!! Do it!!”

Warning: Spoilers ahoy!

Unintentionally Funny

That creepy-ass robot baby. I guess it’s hard to cast a real baby who has hair and teeth, can smile, and can put a hand on someone’s face.


Jasper, or as one fan referred to him online, Harpo Vampire, wooshes over to Alice the Vase-Dropper, complete with the vampire wooshing sound. Really, Harpo? Was it necessary to woosh over like that?

Michael Sheen’s awkward, creepy, high-pitched squeal/giggle (squea-ggle?) when he heard Renesmee’s heartbeat

The Romanian accents. I swear, at one point I thought Boris and Natasha were going to come out of the woods and look for “big moose and squirrel.”

Intentionally Funny

Brand New-born Bella embracing Edward for the first time. Pattypoo’s face was priceless.

Jacob demonstrating how the Romanian vampires creeping him out, by widening his eyes and silently staring at Bella for a few seconds.

Jacob asking Edward “Should I start calling you ‘dad’ now?” (silence) Edward: No.

Emotional Moments

Bella punching Jacob when she realized he imprinted on her baby. She didn't do that in the book, so seeing it on screen was a “yeah!!” moment for me. Honestly, Meyer, I know Bella loves Jacob like a brother, but if anyone came between my relationship with my robot baby, they’re going DOWN! (which was funny to me, because it’s like the filmmakers were saying “Yeah, Stephenie, your book sucked. We're going to fix it.” Then they proceeded to do just that in several scenes.)

Jacob taking on his role as the Alpha, taking those boys (what were they, 11, 12 years old?) under his wing and teaching them how to be wolves but not injure people.

THE BATTLE
Aro killed Carlisle: I couldn't feel anything other than shock. I just sat there with my mouth open.

Then when they killed Jasper (forever known now as Harpo Cullen) I mentally screamed WHAT IS GOING ON?????? This had better be a dream sequence.

Seth - How dare they kill my favorite wolf??? He was the adorable, floppy-eared puppy of the pack!

Leah - I’m kind of ‘meh’ on that one. I know she’s had a tough time what with being the only girl wolf and having a bad case of unrequited love, but her story wasn't developed enough in the film, so people who haven't read the books will just see her as bitchy. For that matter, I wouldn’t have exactly cried my eyes out if the Volturi had taken down Emmett and/or Rosalie.

It was cool, though. The battle scene turned out to be Alice's vision of what was going to happen if the Volturi continued their assault. Collective sigh of relief all around, partnered with a "really, Bill Condon, you seriously just did that to us??"

The yearbook-style ending. It’s nice that everyone got a little shout-out, even if they weren't involved in this last film.

That’s all the bits I remember. I will say that due to the amount of action in the film, combined with much less cringe-worthy moments in comparison with the other Twilight films, this one was my favorite film of the series.