Suicide - cowardice or despair?

Al Black is one of my new acquaintances in the arts community. He frequently posts questions on his social media site to get people thinking and open a dialogue. Today, his question was based on an online article that said suicide was now claiming the lives of more Americans than car crashes. His question to us, then, was "What is suicide - is it cowardice, bravery, martyrdom, fleeing, hiding - maybe all, maybe one or maybe none; I only know that it has now become the leading cause of death in the US and we should ask why - your thoughts?" There were, of course, people who said it was nothing more than cowardice and/or selfishness, which is a common view of suicide.

My nephew committed suicide about three months before his 21st birthday. He was certainly not a coward. Rather, he was weary and overwhelmed by a feeling of complete hopelessness. As I interpret it from his final letter, he continually struggled to live up to the status quo of what a young person is "supposed" to be. His perpetual failure combined with a complete lack of options for a young person in the tiny beach town he lived in made him feel worthless because he did not live up to the so-called standard expectations. His mind went to a dark, hopeless place where conditions in his life had reached such a low point, he felt as though he were drowning. As a result, he could see nothing else beyond his own pain.

As a high school student, my nephew was an extremely intelligent, thoughtful, witty young man. I think of him constantly, wondering what he could have achieved in his life. I wish I could have seen the emotional pain he was in while he was alive so I could hug him and say “hey, I know it must be awful now. I remember feeling hopeless in my early 20s. I promise you, things will improve in your life. Take charge of your own future, don’t be afraid to make mistakes, and don’t let anyone dictate to you what your life should look like. Only you get to make that decision.”

I wonder if those who brand suicide as "cowardice" have been through the emotional horror of the suicide of a loved one. Have you really tried to empathize with what could have possibly motivated a person to feel so hopeless that they saw suicide as the only way out? Or do you just metaphorically cross your arms and sit in judgment of another's choice, erroneously calling them out as “selfish”? Please, rather than taking that stance, make yourself valuable to young people. Get involved with them and help them to see that they’re not worthless, that they do have a future. They are, after all, our future.