I tuned in to the Vice-Presidential debate at 9:10. It was already in progress. That was a bit of a Homer Simpson “d’oh” moment; I thought surely it would be 10 minutes of having to listen to political commentators guess about which issues the candidates would talk about. Apparently, the debate started at 9:00 p.m. sharp. Here were my thoughts as they occurred.
*warning* The longer the debate got, the sillier my comments became. I apologize if you’re visiting this page expecting something more serious and topical. And FYI, "malarky" is a great word!!! I heard my mother use it constantly when I was a kid.
9:14 Ha, the moderator just said "I'd actually like to move to Iran." She meant "the issue of Iran" but see, kids, what happens when you don't use clear language?
9:16 oh good, both sides are pointing fingers at what “the other party” didn’t do.
9:20 Who is “Bee-bee”? Is VP Biden referring to Benjamin Netenyahu?
9:21 Wow. Joe Biden’s teeth are really white. I wonder who his dentist is. And are those his teeth or are they dentures?
9:22 Okay, Paul Ryan is beginning to sound a little trigger-happy.
9:26 I’ve had it up to here with the finger-pointing. Everyone sucks, okay? Democrats and Republicans alike.
9:29 So…is Mitt Romney going to give money to everyone like he did with that one family? Is that the point of your story, Paul Ryan?
9:30 Oh, no. Is this going to turn into a pissing contest over who’s had the worst tragedy?
9:31 I’d like to mirror what others have said in the past. It doesn’t matter who’s in office, the global and national economy is always going to have major ups and downs. No one’s going to be able to swoop in and save the day.
9:32 Okay, Ryan, your dad’s death benefits helped to pay your way through college and yet you want to cut Pell Grants! There are students who need help paying their way through college but don’t have a dead parent’s benefits to rely on.
9:40 Good Lord, stop fighting over time. You two are worse than little kids!
9:41 Joe…stop interrupting. You’re getting on my nerves. You’ll get your two minutes for rebuttal.
9:42 Paul…stop interrupting. Don’t make me get out my paddle
9:44 Joe Biden’s teeth remind me of when Kermit the Frog got teeth on one episode of Sesame Street News Flash. I believe he bit someone not long after that.
9:48 How much longer is this thing on?
9:49 Oh, shit, the Internet says 90 minutes. That means the debate won’t be over until 10:30. UGH!!!!!!!
9:51 Joe…STOP INTERRUPTING!!!!!!!!!!
9:54 I will say this for Paul Ryan. He’s a much better Republican VP pick than Sarah Palin was.
9:55 I officially want to staple things to Joe Biden’s forehead for all the interrupting he’s doing. Now I remember why I recoil from politicians.
9:57 Oooh “sequester.” Fancy-pants vocabulary!
9:58 Toniiiiiiiight…we are yoooooooung. So let’s set the world on fi-ee-yaaaah we could go hi-ee-yaaaah than the suuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuun.
10:00 Kunar sounds like something from a Klingon planet. Oooh, or maybe Kunar is one of the Klingons and the captain of a Klingon bird of prey!
10:04 “step up” *clap clap* “unh, step up” *clap* “yeah” *clap, clap* “step up” *clap, clap*
10:06 Will we expect to see Ikani designs on the red carpet at the next awards ceremony?
10:08 Dudes, shut up, the mod’s trying to move on.
10:09 Joe Biden on Syria “it’s a different country.” Good tip, you should teach. I like how he says “Saw-dees” for people from Saudi Arabia. I pronounce it more like “sow-dees.”
10:11 *snicker* Pootin’.
10:16 Reason and science is why you’re ‘pro-life’ Ryan? You want to give everyone a chance at life? What about a young woman who has been abandoned by the man who impregnated her? Where is her chance at life? Let HER make the choice.
10:19 Yay, Biden!!! Yes, that’s how I feel. “this is my personal choice, but I’m not going to impose it on someone else.” Exactly!!!!!!!!!!
10:26 Toniiiiiiiight…we are yoooooooung. So let’s set the world on fi-ee-yaaaah we could go hi-ee-yaaaah than the suuuuuuuuu-uuuuuuun. (Man, this song’s really addictive.)
10:27 I really need to pee. I wonder if anything earth-shaking will be said in the next three minutes.
10:28 The moderator needs a cattle prod. That way, if someone starts talking after she’s said not to, she can give them a little jolt.
10:29 Joe, quit wasting time complaining about how little time you have left. Tick, tock!
10:33 Like him or not, Paul Ryan is one smooth mofo.
10:36 Aaaaaaaaaand, scene.
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