Who Am I?

I’m not pretty, never have been.

I’m not skinny, never have been.

I’m not slutty.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that, despite my undying devotion to music, especially rock, and its artists, I’ll never be the girl that someone writes a song about. I’m not the one you see backstage at concerts (see aforementioned non-prettiness and non-skinniness. Though I feel certain that some musicians would overlook those deficiencies if I were willing to provide a decent BJ.) So who am I? Oh, you know who I am; you've seen me, and probably shaken your head at me.

I’m the one lining up at the venue 2-3 hours before it opens, ensuring my spot up front, right next to an amp. Never fear, I’m dorky enough to care about my hearing, so the earplugs are in my pocket. I’m also the one waiting by the stage door after the show, waiting for the chance to get a photo with the musicians I admire and maybe, assuming that my verbal diarrhea is in check, chat with them a bit.
That’s right, I’m something of a superfan, or as some people term it, a “groupie.” My groupiedom started in 2005 with bands like Raleigh-based Guns n’ Roses tribute band Appetite for Destruction, Winston-Salem-based Mudjunkie, and Greensboro-based Sweet Libertine.

In October of that year, I kicked it up a notch. I flew up to New York for the SOLE purpose of seeing Queen + Paul Rodgers. While I enjoyed the show immensely, I learned one very important lesson: do NOT fly up the day of the gig. That way, the flight can still be delayed without heaving me into a panic because of arriving 30 minutes prior to “curtain.”

Fast forward to 2012 and my groupiedom is on a whole new level. I’ve traveled to 7 different cities throughout the U.S. to follow British rock band The Darkness, a band I’ve loved since early 2005. I’ve also seen Cincinnati-based rock band Foxy Shazam about 7 or 8 times this year . How to really rock if you’re not skinny, pretty, and/or slutty (this schedule should count as a job, given the time my friends and I invest)

Schedule

• Scope out the venue around 3 or 4. Find out where the stage door is to meet the band after the show. Check to see if anyone has started lining up yet outside the venue. Eat a good dinner since this will be the last time before the gig that we’ll get some food.

• Get in line as early as 5 pm (assuming doors at 7). My friends and I are usually 2nd or 3rd in line by this point, which will ensure us a spot right up front.I’ve heard that in some cities, fans start lining up early than that, but so far that has not been my experience.

• Drink as little as possible during the show, reducing the need for bathroom breaks. I usually steer clear of alcohol because I don’t want my senses dulled, especially if it’s a band I really like. However, I usually do keep one or two bottles of water to stay hydrated during the show. My friend hastened to point out that being up front as often as we are for specific bands means that they see our faces often and we get their drumsticks and picks. Well, it's more accurate to say that THEY get drumsticks and picks. I can't catch worth a shit, so I don't even bother trying. It's like trying to catch the bouquet at your friend's wedding. Ugh, no thanks.

• The moment the show ends, rush to the bathroom since it has now been several hours since my last piss break.

• Adjourn to the stage door to await the exit of the band.

• Return to hotel and pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow.

There you have it, kids. The only way to really rock the night away (again, with the assumption that one of the 3 above-mentioned adjectives apply to you.)